Ron Paul throws first pitch in San Fran, STRIKES OUT BONDS!

Ron Paul: Cannon!

Hank Aaron may not have been on hand for the momentous event in which Barry Bonds launched his 765th home run into right center field, but Ron Paul was. When asked to throw out the first pitch, the 72-year-old congressman was delighted and took time from his rigorous schedule posting articles about himself on Digg.com to fly out to San Francisco and perform the honor first made famous by President William Taft back in 1910. It seemed only appropriate that this presidential underdog should pit himself against the other man of the hour, Barry Bonds, who was on the home stretch to blazing his way into the record books with his home run tie breaker. While he did just that in the fourth inning, if he had hoped to get that home run off of Ron Paul, he was sadly disappointed. The septuagenarian took the field to a wild round of applause from the audience, and trotted to the mound wearing his Texas Rangers ball cap and jacket. Silence fell over the crowd as he worked out his throwing arm. He then nodded his head to Bonds, whipped his arm back and fired a 113.7mph curve ball that knocked catcher Brian Schneider off his feet and onto his back some three feet away.

Schneider, a veteran of ceremonial pitching (catching President George W Bush's ceremonial pitch in 2005,) was completely unprepared for a ball traveling at record breaking speed coming from a senator old enough to be his grandfather. Later, when asked to comment Schneider said only, "That scared the piss out of me."

Schneider refused to catch the next two pitches (clocked at 110.3 and 114.2mph) that struck Barry Bonds out before the first inning even began.

As of press time, Bonds has refused comment.