TRAGEDY: God's Crusader Fred Phelps Catches The Gay

San Francisco (ANTI) The world weeps today as another valiant crusader against the pink menace has fallen. Reverend Fred Phelps, pastor of the Westboro Baptist Church, was seen Wednesday rushing through Golden Gate Park at sunset wielding an ungodly 15" red double headed dildo wearing a homo flag on his lapel and a depraved cheshire cat grin that could only belong on a man seeking out the damning pleasure of faggotry.

Friends and Family of the wayward preacher were busy organizing the full frontal assault of Minnesota and say that they had not noticed his absence until today.

"He did say that he has been feeling a bit strange lately" reported his daughter, Shirley Phelps-Roper, "ever since that faggot sneezed on him at the last protest... he's been humming show tunes under his breath..."

As soon as the photo's were posted on the internet, a member of the congregation spotted them and alerted Phelps's family. Thankfully, one of Phelps's grand-daughters was in California with him where they were scheduled to go on Jerry Springer. She drove to San Francisco in a rental car as soon as she was alerted and managed to retrieve Phelps from the bushes in Golden Gate Park where it is said he was found sleeping off his 8 to 10 hour anal orgy.

Phelps was admitted to the UCSF Medical Center and after having his stomach pumped, he was submitted to battery of testing that lasted through most of the morning. The results were startling and while they were a possibility, no one was ready to hear the earth shaking truth. It was confirmed that Fred Phelps had contracted The Gay. "Homosexuality is a disease." confirmed Dr. Adam Morrison, a leading scholar in the fields of genetics and microbiology. "Not only is homosexuality a disease, but that it has successfully mutated into an air-born plague. One misplaced cough and you could be singing Cher songs while dancing on a table in nothing but platinum wig and a studded leather codpiece," warned Dr. Morrison.

As of 2:30 this afternoon, Kansas, Kentucky, Utah and West Virginia have sealed their borders and closed their airports. We will report more as it happens.